Once upon a time in my career, the seniormost employee in a small company that I worked for, tore up, telling me she has spent years in the company, but is still extremely scared of her manager. And she didn’t know why.
Some other long-term employees in the same company informed me they call each other and vent out about how their manager treats them, taunts them about their mistakes and how they never feel appreciated. And slowly, I found myself to be one of them too because, we all had the same manager. 🙂
In my entire career, I had never known workplace bullying firsthand until then. And here I was, pitying myself for taking something that I don’t deserve, but was ready to get used to, or fight it, if I had to survive. Bullying does that to you, you slowly start believing, probably, after all, you deserve it. And the more you suffer bullying, the more you lose confidence in exploring more for yourself in life.
Who is a bully? From my personal experience, the person is someone who feeds off other people’s insecurities, fears and self-image. And we are humans. We all have our fallacies. A bully’s illusionary power comes from destroying others. Unlike what we would like to believe, a bully knows you best. They can identify targets. Normal people don’t go about destroying people on a whim, bullies do. Because they understand their targets very well, they also know the tactics that can be used to destroy them or make them feel unworthy of anything good and lost. People feel lost because they are just too scared to call out the bully’s behavior and in most instances, doubt if they are right in feeling lost even, because they slowly get used to the behavior and adjust their feelings and hurt to accommodate the bully’s behavior.
But let me tell you something. Nothing enrages a bully more than being called out. I don’t know if they ever change or realise how they have manipulated people all their lives, but know that you always have the power to call bullying out and expressing that you will not be treated a certain way. Probably they will be careful the next time. Calling them out in front of some witnesses can help too because bullies behave drastically differently with different people and calling them out, in a way, hurts their illusion of their social standing. And always know that you deserve better and the illusion of unworthiness created by your mind is only that- an illusion. As a human being and per your right to live with dignity, you always deserve the best. Believe that with all your heart. Ask yourself some reframing questions, like, How do I get out of this negativity? Is it impacting my life and career? And articulate it loudly, for yourself, and if it can help others, articulate this for others too.
I know it is better said than done, and there are people whose lives and careers have been stuck or destroyed as a result of bullying. Sooner than later, the victim mindset creeps in and makes its home deep in your personality after years of bullying, so much so that you even start feeling good and strong about enduring such abominable behavior, and oftentimes, one is so deeply manipulated that they start defending the bully’s behavior.
I know it’s your mind telling you stories. Don’t fall for it. I read somewhere that we encourage what we endure. Don’t do that to yourself. You and your life are way too precious.
And if you identify yourself as a bully and you understand it, take charge of your behavior, seek help and try to be more empathetic. Life’s not worth earning hatred. And who knows, bullying may impact your closest relationships, with family, friends and colleagues, without you realizing. After all, there is a saying, the axe forgets, the tree remembers. People do not forget how you make them feel; and it’s always worth it to treat people with the kindness and the respect that each one of us as human beings deserve.
#bullying #workplace #culture #toxicbehavior
Shveta Gadwani 